Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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