I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
