I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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