i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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