I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
