I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am one with the molecules
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
