i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
