Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
