If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
