i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
