Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
