we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
