well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
