i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize