so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
