i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
