I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
