Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
