I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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