Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
