Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
