And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
