What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
