I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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