James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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