yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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