Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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