worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
