my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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