I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
