Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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