I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
