when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
either way he was missing a nipple.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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