is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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