Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
