I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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