the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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