Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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