at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
