you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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