i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
