mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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