he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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