True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
