I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just blew my weed a kiss
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
