bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
