so let's talk penis.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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