ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
