Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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