he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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