im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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