also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
