i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
