I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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