why didn't you poke me back
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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