You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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