Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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