when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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