So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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