so explain again why im purple
no
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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