it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
