Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
