i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
