In the future we'll all be gay
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
