At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
