I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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