What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They have beer where we have blood.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
