woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
