god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am one with the molecules
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
