Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
