my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
